What a small thing it is sometime that makes life’s kiss sweeter than death’s to us. Sometimes people in your relationship will disappear because they are avoiding the intimate relationship, exhibiting a relational form of commitment anorexia. This type of distracted lover is not consciously avoiding your relationship, he or she wants to be with you, but will not let the relationship develop. God often tempers the anguish of our sufferings, till there is a sort of luxury in feeling them. If the course of true love never runs smooth, the course of true matchmaking sometimes does so.

People who run away from their relationships usually want to avoid or decrease possible emotional devastation. This person is using avoidance to escape and defend against loss, rejection, or exploitation. As a result, some will feel lonely. However, because these people are going through some kind of internal drama, in place of their relationship, they will focus on creativity, a brilliant career, dedication to a spiritual practice, get to know themselves as single, an unencumbered person. Nonetheless, in reality, this person dreams of being part of a happy couple. When a man gets a good berth, half the deserving must come after.

Sometimes the most virulent force behind the avoidant patterns of the disappearing distance is the fear of being consumed by their own desires or needs. Spending a great deal of your time alone becomes unhealthy when it keeps one from recognizing, deepening, and even enjoying human connection. To implore help itself the proof of undesert of it. The habit of being alone, when generated by negative feelings toward others, can become a chronic condition of isolation. I was sorry to find more mercy in a heathen than in a fellow Christian. Feeling driven to back away from others is often a base of shame.

You come in by yourself without his direction, and you shall go out by yourselves without his mercy. Isolation, in and of itself, is a by-product of distancing that creates its own problems. People lose confidence in their rightful place in human society. Feeling perpetually outside of life can cause you to feel rejected and defective. Over time you may become increasingly fearful, resentful, anxious, depressed or angry. You were everywhere, I could not eat, I could not eat, I could not get you out of my head. The only constant I had was Caroline.

I was drowning, and then you were there. Whatever I was experiencing, at the time, I had you to hold on to, Matthew. I lost sight of everything, I barely even noticed other people in the town, all I could see was you. I could not get rid of you, I could not stop seeing you, I could not stop hear you. Nothing else mattered, but you. Isolation is self-perpetuating, I had to stop you from haunting me. It is potentially lethal when isolation leads to extremes of depression and hopelessness and can take someone to the point of suicide. Someone like me, who never seems to initiate contact with others, is perceived as aloof, arrogant, or unfriendly. This in turn creates feelings of loneliness and defensiveness.

To look with mercy on the conduct of others is a virtue no less than to look with severity on your own. When I was talking to my friend Andrew, he told me that he was committed to finding a partner, he was very enthusiastic. He told me, “You got it! I am going to be here, no fear. Definitely! I am going to make it to every date with you this month and the next and the next. You have got my word! A reminder that everything is going to be okay. I know what happened.” Then Andrew sailed out of my apartment, seeming to have no cruel intentions, as he was whistling and humming cheerfully, and greeting anyone who happened to be in the lobby.

Inevitably, Andrew failed to stick to the schedule. He knew I was here, it was astonishing. He complimented me on the apartment, and thanked me for lunch. Andrew was very pleasant to us, but during the first few months with me, he missed many dates. When we did meet, his ability to pay attention was too scattered for him to be able to focus on his distancing patterns. I would get hungry and count the seconds until the date was over. It was a party on the Albatross.

Suddenly, by beloved friend, whom everyone adored, could not concentrate on me. We were not making much progress in helping him to identify the specific ways he distances, although I was beginning to spot his pattern. It was hard to help Andrew to focus because of his speedy monologues and his lightning-quick exits before we had settled into a topic. And what if the blonde-haired, tan-skinned guy next to Andrew looked like an angel? How was I to guess that when I met him in the coffee shop, at the hotel, only a day or two later, I realized that Andrew was trying to tell me something, he was trying to tell a story. I closed my eyes and prayed.

Andrew was a complex person, who very rarely felt comfortable inside his own skin. He told me that I help him back from being that monster that he truly is. Generally, he was tormented by being unable to stick to any given plan. He could not follow through, whether it was a plan to move to another part of the country, or go back to school, or even just a plan to get a cup of koffee with a friend.

He was reluctant to make choices, from something a small as choosing what movie to see, to something more significant like signing a lease for an apartment or getting a full-time job. Because of his across-the-board style of restlessness and avoidance, Andrew could not even get close to starting an intimate relationship.

A man must be an idiot or else an angel who, after the age of forty, shall attempt to be just to his neighbor. Andrew had been sober for ten years. And even with his extreme restlessness, he remained determined to stay clean and sober. Most of his friends were in various stages of physical and economical failure because of their active addictions. Andrew’s mother desperately wanted more for her son, and Andrew’s son was the foundation of his tenuous abstinence and he was the reason his son remained celibate.

I understand everything you said. You have been telling me exactly how and why you can keep our secrets and lies. The deep hurt hit my heart and flashed in my eyes, private and almost lonely. Stop abusing your power. Stop forgetting that you have it. Stop forgetting the inevitable limitations of your kindred here! You are dreaming. I am not the wander slut you make me out to me. Remember this is an exposition of souls, a bartering of extraordinary revelations.

You gave me a quick sketch of your heart, a description of your truer self. A loyal Knight, but because there are uncertain times, we are required to be committed to continuing our survival, by whatever means necessary. Be here now. You are an optimistic, loving person who sincerely wants to find relief from running in circle. Be willing and open to new insights and new activities and you will be able to take your first step to do kindness. Consider this…it is very possible that this winter could end up with above average warmth AND above average snowfall.