Throughout life, expectations emerge. You ever see someone and just getting a glimpse of them makes your happy for moments, if not hours, and even perhaps an entire day? And then you think to yourself, “I would love to talk to this person, you seem so cool.” Whereas other people, you may find them attractive, but you think “What would we walk about, would you even like me?” When you are in love with someone, you really do not find too many other people attractive, but when they do not spend much time with you, your heart does start to wonder, it is only natural. It does not mean that you are falling out of love, it just means you desire companionship, and whoever you are in a relationship must know this. Maybe they just want you to see it is them you are really dreaming of. When you think of them, your heart still feels warm and you are attached right?

Dwelling calmly among feelings of uncertainty will help you make a more rational decision. During the holiday season, we all experience a bubble of emotions, and much like a lasagna, all of these feelings are inside mixing, forming, and bonding together like sauce, cheese, and noodles. The best bet is to stay mellow, be happy, be thankful for what is going right and realize your reality is different from the next person’s, so try and be respectful. Sometimes we all get to a point in life where we say, “Is this real?!” And at the moment, we may want to deny whatever it is we are experiencing and just pretend life is normal. And you may be able to do this for a while, but much like a cold breeze, it will slip through that unweather stripped door and nip at your heels, and then you are like, “Damn, this is real.”

The thing with alternative views or altered states of awareness is that there is so beauty to it. You may get to meet people others would only dream about, and travel to amazing places, and that is actually happening, along with some other things you wish were not. Just be thankful you have someone guiding you, running circles around you, and making you feel a sense of love, and knowing that this too shall pass and someday we may be metaphorically running together. Life may expose you to difficult circumstances, but be happy you have a guide acting as your safety net and be thankful for every moment the two of you have. However, sometimes people feel responsible for doing something they thought was wrong and will change their beliefs so that they align with their past actions.

I was reading this story, it was true, about a professional who convinced some people that the end of the World was near and that she had been talking to spacemen. She was so convincing that people went out and bought things they could not afford because they did not even think they would be around to finish paying for it. Then others met at her house and waited for the World to end. Some psychologist and reporters caught wind of this and joined the group. As the crew waited for the World to end, they got silent, and when it did not end, they were okay with that, and stuck together for a while longer. However, after a few more inconsistencies, they did not disregard what they had been taught, they just distanced themselves from their mentor.

When the mentor had been dethroned, she cried because she really believed that what she was teaching was true and explained that through faith, they saved the Earth. Sometimes when people are faces with realities, especially in a group setting, that they cannot believe, they try to block them out, instead of having endless deliberations. Our brain is like a machine, and has all these tools to process the World and make sense of things. No one wants to be imprisoned by a chronic uncertainty, where there is no way to establish confirmation. Cognitive dissonance is a term that refers to the disturbing feeling of experiencing two different realities at the same time. It is like the feeling you would get if someone told you mostly everything you know about life is wrong and proved it to you. Basically your system feels incoherence to what should have been a predictable situation.

Cognitive dissonance is when you get a message and it totally disturbs your sense of order and consistency. There is a mismatch, an error. Kind of like the untimely death of a loved one. It just does not make sense to you for a while. You can assimilate the experience and decide that your loved one is just on vacation, or you can accommodate it and recognize that your loved one is no longer on this Earth. Assimilation makes the World feel safe again, whereas accommodation means facing realities that create uncertainty and will cause upheaval. Also, when trying to deal with what has happened, and construct a new Worldview, it can be challenging to manage this powerful data.

How we resolve discrepancies—especially when they are accompanied by a feeling of physical vulnerability—helps us to remain stable.  Not everything has to be bad. Sometimes good things, like falling in love, make you feel vulnerable. For example, you could not imagine your World without the person you are dating, they make you feel better about life, in general. This person you are dating tells you, “Sometimes I think if I can’t have you, no one else can,” but then admits her or she is lightweight joking. However, to you, this seems romantic because you could not imagine life without them, and it makes you feel loved. However, I guess people worry, if they go awhile without seeing you, they may think a shift in consciousness may have occurred. These two people really fell in love and it upended their lives, they were affected by each other on a spiritual level. Clarity grew more valuable.

When people have clarity and certainty in their lives, it makes us feel more confident and creative. However, when various pressure piles up, the windows of our mind start to shut and lock. When it comes to getting to know a person, some people want to go beyond the surface, they want to see what you are really like. They do not care about what is going on outside of you and what others things, they want to see how you are under pressure, when you are alone, and how you will behave when they are not around. Let us say you meet Christina, and she is beautiful, comes across as an effective leader; productive sensitive, and courteous towards others, and cares.

However, after you get to know Christina, it comes to light that she has some inconsistency. She failed to marry her last love interest because she was embarrassed of her apartment, and her career, and felt like someone so prestigious would not accept her as she was. You also learned that when she is under stress and does not get her way, she can be rude and disorganized, also it sometimes takes her a while to get dressed, but when she is ready to go out, she is impressive. Now you have to rate how likely you are to want to be in a long term relationship with her. You have noticed, that in the begging she was as sweet as cherry pie, but as the relationship went on, she became fussy and grumpy because of something you did, but after she truly realized she was in love with you she changed and started behaving better towards you and it showed in her life. Her work improved, her appearance got even better, and she started being nice towards people she did not even care for. If you did not know any better, you would think she had been reprogramed to become a “Stepford Wife,” who walks around in a European town where well-behaved citizens stroll around politely on yellow brick roads.

Statistics show when a person starts a relationship off and they are treating you good, but they express some concerning behavior and recover, they are 50 percent more likely to be a more desirable choice than someone who starts a relationship off bad and then slowly adapts. This is no surprise, first impressions do matter, and may Christina realized that she cannot control everything in her relationship, but she started out nice, does love you, and is becoming more of a person you know you can work with. Having faith in others is one of the primary ways to manage uncertainty, when getting to really know a person you have to have greater flexibility. The quest for certainty is not always calm and predictable, but it is rather an every-changing wave that we learn to maneuver.

Maybe Christina realized that the love of her life is not perfect, he is trying to fit in and be popular, as that is part of his job, but he loves her, and his goal was to hook her, not just have another relationship that was over before it got started, so she maneuvered and accepted him for who he is?Also, Christina may have matured, and just accepts the waves as part of life. While she hopes that he will want to spend more time with her, she also realizes that she is valuable and attractive, and irresistible. Accepting uncertainty for longer periods will improve your odds of making rational decisions, even when you are nearly sure that you are correct. It is important to allow serious decisions, that involve ambiguity, time to bubble and settle, and then revisit them when you are in different moods. So while Christina is sure she is in love with this man, she is waiting on him to finally reach a verdict, and is not going to force him, nor hurry him along. Everyone wants someone who can stand their own ground.

Psychologist caution people about making deliberate judgements before their judgments are ready to be made. Imagine you have to justify your decision late on? You do not want someone to admit they are only with you because they worried about you. You want someone to be with you because they admire you, find your attractive, love your brain, and can appreciate other attributes that you have. So this is the man of her dreams, and she is waiting on him, but he also has to understand that no one knows how long she will wait? These two seem to know not to make rushed decisions, but for people to actually change their minds in light of the late information of bonding, they needed reminders at the start of the relationship. And neither one of them wants to face the potential periods of dangers in a new courting experience.

Dating is an investment decision, and making the wrong decisions is extremely costly in terms of time, resources, social capital, and your self-esteem. So remember, when you are in a budding relationship think about how they made you feel and their actions. Someone holding your hand in a time of need, walking you through the park, and helping you become a more balanced person, in a hard time, is likely someone who will benefit your life. Also, someone who spends countless moments writing you love poems, going out of their way to avoid people you are jealous of, and honestly only having eyes for you is a huge benefit. After nine months, Christina has not gone on a date with anyone, nor hooked up with anyone, and it is known she is virtuous, she sounds like the perfect young lady. Incentives like these would work to make the ambiguity of courtship tolerated and even embraced.

Also, keep in mind, be wary of disproportionate power of early explanations. We have to remind ourselves everyone, even groups have a vice. You needed more tools that help you remain aware of your wild search for answers in places where they may or may not exist. And above all, you needed to be reminded of the stakes. Dashing into a relationship can be a total catastrophe, but getting to know the love of your life, first hand, and in person ultimately can be a good thing. Surrounded by the right ideas, beliefs, and courses of action, we might be the right people, and we may even stumble on the right course of action—or even the right person.

Sometimes love at first sight is not a mistake. Matthew took a ride to school with his neighbor, he saw her young son and fell in love with him. Knowing the boy was too young for him, he realized how handsome and gentle he was. And twelve years later, Matthew and Ken wake up to Good Morning America together, every day, while they slip coffee and plan their days together. The World likes a tender boat carries love, truth, kindness and beauty to life. Embrace the World that belongs to you. May you be young and beautiful forever! There are some very beautiful things in this reality. “God, there is no other like you in Heaven nor on Earth—you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your ways. You have kept your promise.”