Early love is frequently ambitions in choosing its object. Mentors take on many forms and serve several functions in their scholar’s lives. By sharing their experience, role models not only pass on their skills, knowledge, and confidence, but they also benefit from the act of helping to raise another individual to become a success.  Psychosocial development—is a series of stages by which people grow and personality changes over the course of a lifetime. It is best to help shape the life of a young person when they are children, before adolescents, because they have not experienced wanting to rebel, and this is when the adult gets the most out of contributing to future generations. Of course, if you were able to isolate a young adult, then you still have time to groom them into the person you want them to become.

Sometimes people think more highly of the person they are mentoring if the person is not involved in an adult relationship. When you look at them you do not want to envision them in the throes of passion with another. In Secrets and Lies, Ben Crawford is a renowned mentor to his friend Dave, who lives in the guest house, his two daughters, and Tom Murphy. However, many people seem to suspect that Ben Crawford is very fond of Tom Murphy, and this is possible what contributes to the murder of the boy. Mentoring involves someone helping another to progress in career and in life. Some key components shape mentoring and differentiate it from other process, such a didactic training, supervision, and interpersonal relationships, like friendships:

Mentoring is professional in nature, related to work or career. Knowledge is transferred through the process. The mentor provides psychosocial support (relating to one’s psychological development in, and interaction with, a social environment) and social capitol (a collective value with inclination that arise from these networks to do things for each other; a form of reciprocity. Communication is face-to-face and goes beyond the bounds of a formalized training program (such as a class or online course). The relationship is ongoing. One participant is the mentor and possess more relevant knowledge, wisdom, or experience than the other participant, the mentee or protégé.

For a relationship to be considered mentoring, it has to take place outside the confines of a traditional classroom learning. Ben Crawford used to run every morning, by Cape Fear River. He used to see Tom Murphy, and smile at him. The night Ben Crawford goes to visit Tom Murphy, the night before his murder, in scenes that were edited from the original script, Tom tells Ben that, “When my dad was gone, and I used to see you run by me, I would fight back my smile, but when you would pass, there would be a grin in my face as big as the one on the Cheshire Cat in Alice and Wonderland, and I would want to run into your arms and hug you.”

The relationship between Ben Crawford represents the most intense and powerful one-on-one developmental relationship, entailing the most influence, identification, and emotional involvement. Specific advantages of mentoring include organizational socialization, employee integration, managerial succession, and reduced turnover. Ben Crawford is the owner of his own painting and design company, and his daughters do not want to go into business with him, so he desperately wanted a son. The socialization Ben provides Tom, who is effectively orphaned at a very young age, by his alleged father, provides some semblance of a real father. The model Ben Crawford uses ingrains the ethic of collaboration, rather than pushing Tom to act alone all the time. Ben Crawford spends more time with than boy than anyone else in Tom’s life, and this is to form a real bond. Their relationship is not based on money, but the time they spend together.

Research has shown that individuals who are mentored make substantial gains, compared to those who are not mentored, in areas like career progress and professional skills. Not all people in Ben Crawford’s life seem to appreciate him, nor his relationship with Tom Murphy. The television series suggests that Ben and Tom are telepathically linked. There are deleted scenes where Tom and Ben seem to have an understanding and communicate without speaking. For example, Ben gets all dressed up and walks right past Tom like he does not see him, and Tom’s feelings are hurt. Tom understands that Ben did this because when his alleged father, Scott Murphy comes home from the military, Tom runs right past Ben and into the arms of Scott. Tom seems to have learned a mind trick or two, and probably will never fully realize his promise without Ben’s guidance.

Mentoring does not just help the mentee. First, mentors get the gratification off having developed the next generation. Christy terminated her pregnancy and Ben wanted a son, so he gets to experience what it would have been like if she had carried the baby to full term. Ben enjoys the respect and recognition he gets from Tom Murphy. In addition, mentoring has been shown to advance a mentor’s career. Training someone else reinforces the mentor’s own knowledge and helps their skills stay sharper. Working with Tom helps motivate Ben and he is able to get more work done. Mentoring Tom is also supposed to help Ben establish a legacy to live on, and will also fulfill paternal needs.

Mentoring provides wish fulfillment. Vicariously sharing the student’s successes can help the mentor enjoy experiences and achievements has not personally undergone. An example is when Ben is there for Tom when he loses his first tooth, and they sit in Tom’s room and tell each other how much they appreciate one another. Ben also identifies with Tom because Tom reminds him of himself. The accomplishments of one generation have to add to the reverence for those who pave the way.  Tender love should show itself by tender conduct.

What one should walk away with is learn to enjoy your relationships and make best of people in your life. We never know how long we will be here, or when we might lose someone we care about. It may be that the love which is stronger than death has a power sometimes to make itself heard and felt through the walls of our mortality, when it would please for the defenseless ones it has left behind. Why should you love an unseen and distant Being more then you do one who you can feel and see, who holds you in his arms, whose heart beats like your own? When you lose someone you love, it makes you hold on to those in your life even tighter. Lord, what a thing love is!