Among the most important values that children of God must adhere to are altruism, mindfulness, and a connection with love. However, sometimes in life people will do things just to hurt you. Although altruism, or selflessly helping others, is related to improved mental health, it can also hurt you. I met someone who was having a hard time in life, and wanted to help this person for only 30 days. Then person ended getting attached and putting a guilt trip on me. This person promised that if I kept being supportive, that they would eventually return the favor. So then this situation no longer became altruism, someone ended up taking advantage of my courage and dedication for helping others.

I am sometimes driven by my ambition in an addictive sense. I see progress and refuse to stop. Research on altruism suggest that people who remain mindful and true to their values of helping others are more likely to experience good emotions such as love and joy while helping others, but that is not always true.  I personally have been having a little bit of a challenge dealing with a few people for a while, but things got kind of complicated this weekend. Someone I love and care about very much passed away 11 years ago, last Friday, 4 December 2015. It was such a shock to me, I had known him all of my life. My sister and I were at a wedding reception, and we got the call the someone close to us was sick, he went to the hospital, and then three days later he died.

So on Friday, for some reason, I guess because the anniversary of his death came up, I got lonely, and went to a friend’s house. We had a couple of drinks and then someone started talking about the passing of my loved one—we never talk about it anymore. And he just kept going and would not stop, I went numb and was not sure how I was going to react, so I left. And then I got home and I was so sad, I felt a void, and I felt how temporary life is and how when someone leaves the Earth, they do not return. Research on mindfulness (noticing the experiences in the in the present moment rather than fixating on the past or the future) suggest that people who practice mindfulness are more likely to be altruistic and to exhibit better mental health.

However, just a few days ago, I was talking about how I am too old to cry. Yet, I cried so many times this weekend, and then had a few bottles of wine to myself, that I was concerned about my own well-being, this is so out of character for me. Then my neighbor told me another one of my friends passed away just a few days ago. So it really left me feeling floored. Then last night, I went for a walk, as I usually do, and the person I have been interested in, for a while, just walked right past me. And I was like, okay, well, nice to see you. Came home and had a few more drinks. Although it seems like I may be developing a problem, I recognized that before anyone else noticed. People who are mindful and those who follow their values are less likely to develop PTSD and are more likely to recover from addiction, depression, anxiety, and chronic pain.

when you are kind of an anchor in people lives, it would really hurt them to see you suffer and go down a blackhole. My body is a temple of God and I refuse to abuse it, so I have to remove the toxic elements from my life. Then I woke up at 3am, and cried again. And it was because of some things that happened to my sister, and I just do not understand how these things can happen? So then I went online and the person I was interested in was posting on social media how they were out with this other guy and the two of them are posting pictures of each other sharing a chair together and sitting extra close in the car, and I am like okay…it is time for me to let this go.

People who are impulsive are more likely to be driven by immediate gratification, are more likely to struggle with their academic commitment, and may be more likely to struggle with regulating their emotions. I have seen other people, like my sister, be mistreated by guys, and I tell her, “You are too young and too pretty, and can do better,” and I really mean it. So I got to thinking, I do not want to end up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning or potentially over dosing on a substance like others have, so I am going to stop being so understanding. This person I am kind of seeing has been doing nothing, but upsetting me for the past six months and things are not going to change, nor get better. I cannot control life, but I can control myself and move on.

When people know that you are having a hard time, and do nothing but add to it and never do anything sweet, they are toxic. Recently, I wrongly misjudged Jennifer Lawrence and called her a bitch because of how she acted toward someone, and also because she said that guys treat her bad. I was also upset that she selected her career over a relationship, and I could not comprehend it because I want a loving relationship. However, sometimes relationships are abusive and maybe guys are mean to Jennifer Lawrence and picking her career, over a relationship, may have saved her life. One of the principals of being a good Christian is not to judge others because God will make you understand their choices and decision by putting you through the same situations. I had become just like the people I say are foolish for staying in bad relationships.   `