If we are absorbed with fantasy, we are out of intimate connection, too caught up in our mind to truly see and he with the other. It is easy to play the victim role to our sexual arousal and the intensification of that arousal, holding it accountable for your questionable behavior that happens. Many people let themselves off the hook, when they knowingly make mistakes, by saying, “What is a guy supposed to do?” or “I could not help myself” or “She turns me on” (in a sense that they are not turning themselves on.

Men want to be seen as so powerful, or in control, but then want to escape responsibility when the consequences are not to their approval. However, men are required to stand up and take charge for their right, as a man, from inception. Whatever you are doing with your dominant status is required to be recognized as your choice. Sure, sometimes you may find yourself aroused when you do not want to be, but that is no one’s fault.

If you are undressing a particular woman or man in your imagination, it is you choice, and cannot be blamed on his or her appearance or self-presentation, or the intensity of your desire. Some men see vulnerable people, those who are always alone, or in powerful position, who many seem vulnerable and take advantage of them. These male predators will  goes as far and plot how they are going to date rape a particular male or female victim.

Maybe the woman is the manager of a company, very young and attractive and people hate her for that and everyone knows it. And maybe the male you are looking to prey upon is also attractive, not well liked and always alone. Some unscrupulous men prey on people like this. They start off by pretending to be nice, maybe offering career advice, or simply knock on your hotel room and bring you magazines. You may thing, “Gee, that is so sweet,” but often times they have ulterior motives.

As time goes on, this male predator invites you out to dinner and buys you drinks. The first few times everything goes well. But be careful, he may be testing your limits, to see just how much you can handle before you are drunk. The next time, we takes you out, you get tipsy, and want to go back to your hotel room. He happens to have a room in the same hotel on another floor. As he walks you to your door, he begs you to come hang out with him in his hotel room. You decline his offer, and he keeps pressuring you. You figure, he has been such a nice guy what could go wrong?

So you go back up to his hotel room with him, he pushes you to the floor, and when you come to, you are on the couch, and he is performing oral sex on you. You go to the doctor a few days later because your back is in more pain than usual, and x-rays reveal your spine has been fractured in two places. He then talks to you a few days later, and says, “I heard you are crazy,” so you feel ashamed and will not call the police to report him. Many people do not like you, so they will back up his story and you will be labeled as a trouble maker. Also, people will say that he is not gay and you are just making the story up because he just asked so and so out on a date, and asked her to sleep over.

So in the next case, you are a powerful business woman, you meet with a client in his hotel room to discuss details of a contract. Next thing you know, he is coming on to you and will not stop. Before you know it, he rips your underwear off, and is penetrating you. And to make matters worse, he used the backdoor. The next day he is bragging to his friends that he slayed the cold hearted bitch. Saying that is she was not looking or dressing a certain way, he would not have taken advantage of her.

The male predator seems to have a control issue, and may be confused about his sexual identity. While you were out with him, he was telling people you were his son, then takes you back to his room and date rapes you. Now, maybe he viewed the female as his wife and really wanted to stick it to her? And face it, being a white man, people will believe his story over the young man and the business woman. However, that is not the point.

What I want to explore is the central heating system of this dominating white male’s erotic arousal; we need to deeply consider it, its roots, and the importance of out growing it. He preyed upon a vulnerable young man, who reminded him of his son, to establish his dominance.  Then he preyed upon a young woman, and penetrated her anally. This predatory male seems to have a me-centered relationship with sex, being indulged in a manner that makes many think he is homosexual, but in denial.

Sodomy, from a man to another man is surly a homosexual act, and then anal penetration is also considered gay sex. Many men might say they like the anus because it is “tighter,” but that is not the reason people have sex. This dominate white male is a hotbed of sexual hunger, and he prey upon people to distract himself from his suffering through erotic excitation and discharge.  In the process, he is losing contact with love, intimacy, and ecstasy—and preforming binding rituals that obstruct his prey and himself from stepping into and embodying their full humanness.

The very fact that so many men are addicted to anal sex, makes some thinks they are required to face, and face their sexuality deeply enough to recognize its roots and work through the wounding and find a solution. In his current mindset, he sucks the intimacy out of relationships, replacing or layering a man’s flesh and blood lover with fantasy scenarios that reinforce his private lust rituals, thereby shutting out or reducing his prey to a bit player in his erotic drama.

Heterosexual men who like to sodomize other men and have anal sex with women are screwing themselves. They are not truly enjoying sex as a loving connection, instead they are overly attached to erotic expectations and rituals that originally arose as solutions to their suffering. They have discovered the quick please and relief that these types of contacts provide for them, and glamorize their hypermasculine callousness toward women and certain men.

To heal, you are required to humanize those who star in your sexual fantasies. Let yourself see and feel beneath their surface presentation, refusing to view them as less than deserving of your compassion, no matter how compelling your lust may be. Keep a picture of yourself as a little boy at hand and bring it out and look at it for at least a full minutes when your urge to dominate another kicks in, take that image us yourself into your heart as much as you can, giving him your full attention. This will help remind you where you were before control and deviance gripped you, and also the original of some emotional pain that you let spur you into these lustful fantasies.

Then love yourself, alone, without using any external materials. Focus not just on the sensations of sexual arousal, but also on your emotional reality. Keep your mind on it. Stay connected to your heart as your proceed, slowing down when you start to rush. Make being present with yourself more central than coming. Do whatever it takes to heal. Maybe even consider just hugging the person you love and spend the night simply cuddling with them. Any man who embarks on this journey deserves our deep respect, for he is on the way to making life a little better for all of us.

I see no evil. I behold only the good. I have seen the drunkard lying in the gutter, and the saint kneeling in ecstasy before the high altar of his faith; but I have found no difference. I have perceived that each, in his tongue, is seeking to express the one life. I will not separate and divide; I cannot condemn nor censure, for I know that there is but one in all. My love goes out to everyone in the World; I do not excuse anything, for I love all nature and everything that is.