An individual who does not understand anger is an individual without supremacy; we can all have power, which will keep us from becoming a casualty. Because of the mental health crisis going on in America, many people try to make others fear people, who may have a fit of anger or may be justified in being angry. It is not until one is possessed by angry that they become a danger to themselves. Everyone handles angry different, and sometimes it become a sadness, which can lead to depression. Other let their anger turn into rage and attack others, or dominate others. They believe their strength is in hurting people, and these type of people are egocentric, lack compassion, and are not righteous, nor moral. Often times they are scared and camouflage this fear by becoming a tyrant.    Yet, some use their anger as motivation, catalysis to seek help and rectify whatever is troubling them. Therefore, the problem is not anger, but what we choose to do with it. We are not supposed to outgrow our ager, it does not just go away because we mature or become more spiritual. We are required to know our anger because it is a grotesque sense of grievance, being wronged or hurt, and it is fueled by an enthralling force to handle a situation. Anger is a feeling of vulnerability and it comes from the heart, and it is easy to express, but we just have to learn to skillfully express it so we can build more trust and safety, which will deepen our sense of well-being.

No one wants to spend their life feeling sadness, vulnerability, fear, grief, or like someone they love just died. However, that is what happens when one keeps experiencing injustice and cannot find help. And that is why we get upset, anger is central to self-protection. One can go through life masking their anger by taking Xanax, smoking marijuana, or drink copious amounts of alcohol, but that will create a vortex of trouble. There was this man named Peter who was on the verge of losing his wife because he had issues with anger. However, Peter did not physically, nor verbally abuse his wife, but he was emotionally abusive. Peter’s wife kept trying to get him to express his emotions so she could help him, but he would not. It came to light that Peter was using a lot of aggression with his wife. Aggression attacks anger does not. Peter’s wife would get upset with him because of something he did, then Peter would turn into a sweet heart and his wife could not figure out why she was taking her anger out on him, and would apologize, and tell him how great he was and how much she loved him, but almost immediately, Peter would turn sarcastic, start telling her how little she meant to him, and would even become hostile toward him, until she told him that she hated him, and got a divorce.

Aggression is denoted by harden emotions, it strips you of your heart, and you learn not to care, which makes you inhumane to the point that you disrespect, use and abuse, or violate your loved one. Aggression is not really an emotion, it is what we choose to do with an emotion. People often let anger mutate into aggression because they want to remove themselves from being vulnerable, and it is usually because they feel shame about showing love, compassion, or caring for someone, so some try to express themselves becoming sarcastic or unleashing violence on to someone. By use of aggression, the offend person reduced their target to a mere “it.” Any care they had for the person has been stripped away and they dehumanized them so they will feel comfortable making this person a target and attacking them. However, when you dehumanize people and become aggression, you are in danger of becoming violent toward them. You lose touch with yourself in attacking them because you incorrectly feel that they deserve it. Sometimes aggression is playful joking, mean comments, and violence. Anger has boundaries, but aggression disregards all boundaries. Violence is an abuse of anger, unless you are using violence to save a life or prevent more violence. And anger is actually good, as long as it does not turn into aggression, because it means you care and want change.

Aggression is devoid of all feeling, except for hate and jealousy. When people are not getting angry, but become apathetic, they let things slide and become unsurmountable problems. However, anger brings about change because your heart is connected to the greater good. We require anger to move forward and address injustice and to protect ourselves and others. Yet, when you feel aggression, which is the desire to attack and hurt others, that is when it is time to back up and turn aggression into anger, and use proper methods like communication and express your concern, but never become violent. When people do not express their anger, they will stop growing, and attack yourself to a power dynamic that does no one any real good and the anger becomes hostility, meanness, and violence. It is unhealthy to blame others, we act like it is their fault that that we are acting the way we are. It is unhealthy to lose touch with caring for the person you are angry with by shamming, dismissing or dehumanizing them. Take responsibility for what you did and the impact it is having. Learn to look at your targets perspective. It is a problem when you do not care about other’s boundaries and feel free crossing them. If you fight dirty and feel right doing so, that is a major problem. If you would rather be right than connect, that is also dangerous.

Feel the other person’s humanity. Stop playing the victim. Do not let your emotions hold you hostage, access self-reflection. Let go of the exaggerated attachment to being right. Stop overdramatizing what you are thinking and feeling. Listen to feedback your partner gives you about your behavior. Just admit, “I am being reactive.” Do not justify your behavior. Being vulnerable, transparent, open, unguarded make empathy possible, and when empathy is present, anger is far more likely to remain clean. Feel the connection with the person you are angry with and remember you care about them. Think about what impact you are having on them. When anger is left unexpressed and undigested (because its concerns have not been sufficiently addressed) it seeks an outlet somewhere, a place where a discarded can occur. It is not healthy and surely exhausting ourselves in mental loopings and reconstruction and excessive self-talk. And when we suck anger in, we may find some release of its energies through sexual discharge, perhaps assuming that we are just really feeling sexual, when in fact we may be quite angry, either masturbating away the charge of that anger, or reducing out sexual partner to little more than a doll for our accumulated frustration. Do not unload your anger without any regard for your partner. Remind yourself that expressing any anger will not help anyone. Keep telling yourself to calm down. Do your best to think good thoughts. Bring the nice person in you to the foreground. Let your anger out, but not so strongly that you forget your caring for the offending other. Anger itself it not the problem. The problem is what we are doing with our anger. The key is to wake up to our anger as soon as possible after it starts arising, stepping back just far enough from it, from its energy and prevailing viewpoint, so as to be able to relate to it rather than from it. And remember, we all want to be love, and how hard it is to find love and recover from mistakes we make.