After years of worshiping a God I cannot see and making a fool of myself for career and love, and doing so much for others, but not getting what I want out of life, it made me stop and think.  Maybe I am trying too hard and really should give up? I do so much and have done more than many you know, and it has gotten me nowhere.

I sit in my little apartment, dreaming of the day I can finally get away and leave this all behind. I used to focus so much on career and love, but it seems nearly impossible. For me, I am more likely to win the lottery than go on a date. Living like the man on the moon, maybe I came too soon, but I refuse to continue?

People talk about divine order and looking at signs, but I do not want to be a superstitious fool.  I can find a meaning in anything thing, anyone can if they spend enough time. Why should I sit back and listen to these restrictions and explanations? And when people ask me why or why not, I cannot say because my dad told me not to, or my spouse does not approve.

A few weeks ago, a kid asked me why I am single,? I replied, “What makes you think that?” He says, “You are always alone, and never bring anyone over.” Other than that, everyone keeps pushing me to keep writing and keep engaging in photography, but it is not getting me anywhere. I have been trying to get discovered for nearly a decade, and maybe it is just time to quit. After all, you can hire someone to do what I do.

I am tired, and burnt out and the normal laws, rules, and regulations do not seem to apply to me. So I am just going to spend my days relaxing, until I truly see something or someone I desire. Forget being on standby for a relationship, or doing things for free, while praying that it will lead to a career. I have given life and love all I have any they have totally forgotten about me.

I am special, I am important and maybe it will take you sometime to realize that. Until the right one (career or love) comes along, I am going to spend more time enjoying the things I do have in my life. If you (life) really want me, it is your turn to prove it.

Open the door, I showed up to show off, do not make me stand too long. Get my attention I am ready to go, my only intent is to give you a show. Until then, I want to be silent so I can hear my own voice and take direction from within. Do not push me, guide me, take my hand, and show me the way.