As an individual gains more experience with life, he begins to develop an image of what he wishes to be (or things he should be): his ideal self. Part of the ideal self is made up of cultural values. Most of us share our culture’s emphasis on the worth of truthfulness, honesty, and loyalty, so we would expect our ideals selves to have these Characteristics.

This season, I found the Bachelorette, on ABC very interesting. This show got my attention because of the interpersonal relationship between the men, in the house, who are competing to win the heart of a lady, named Kaitlyn Bristowe. There are about ten guys, in a house, competing to win her for marriage. So I wanted to see how ten men would get along, in one house.

So there is a guy everyone is calling Cupcake Chris (Chris Standburg), and he is just the perfect all American guy. Has a great education and great career. Chris is a dentist in Clarksville, Tennessee and he got his doctorate from UCLA School of Dentistry. Chris is also a former model. He got the nickname, Cupcake because he came rolling into the show in a giant cupcake.

Chris was a bright and gifted student, who felt he had to maintain an A average or his mother would be heart broken. Chris is the type of guy who would sink into a depression about getting a B in math class. He had a perfect life, no behavioral problems, no health problems, no enemies, and very well liked. Chris is also tall, about 6’0”, 165 pounds, perfect hair, and great personality.

However, Kaitlyn left Chris crying on the edge of a cliff, as she turned him down, and many are just thankful he did not jump off the cliff, as heartbreak can be tough. I think this guy was crying because he lost. Failure in a success-oriented culture is hard to take. Chris is definitely a great selection, he is out going, nice, and sensitive. Many women will find this attractive, and I am sure he will meet a nice woman soon.

However, I found this show interesting because Black men are considered more emotional than White men. In public, White men are usually low key, calm, and kind of cold. They do not generally interact with people they do not know and do not express emotions to others they do not know. Whereas, Black men are labelled as more emotional because they are more expressive and vocal, but generally do not cry.

So I was looking at E40, who is a very confident and manly rapper. He is very vocal, very emotional, but would never cry over a woman, he would just find a new one. In the eyes of E40, women are beautiful and important, but if you are not their number one, just move on. In Contrast, Cupcake Chris is manly, but he is used to things going his way, and it really broke his heart that he was rejected, after investing so much into his relationship.

The big difference is Cupcake Chris is considered perfect, by society, and he was raised in a traditional home, with two parents, and never wanted for anything. Whereas, E40, hard a hard life, had to raise himself, has no formal education, and is used to rejection and life not going as planned, so he does not open his heart up in the same way that Cupcake Chris did.

E40 is used to women competing for his attention, and he is not necessarily looking to settle down and get married. Whereas, Cupcake Chris grew up with support, from both of his parents, was always told that he was the head of the class and that he would be successful. Cupcake Chris wants to model his life after his parents (the American Dream), start a career, buy a home, and get married young.

So there is nothing wrong with the two ways these men were raised. However, we must take into account the people are different. Some express emotions and are not actually very emotional. Others hold on to emotions, and when in private they express those emotions. Still, you get guys like Ryan Phillippe, who are in between Cupcake Chris, and E40.

Ryan Phillippe looks like the American dream, but is manlier. You will not catch the man crying over a woman. Ryan seems to be very focused, on what, I am not sure. He is also very diverse, and has friends who are White and Black. In contrast, Cupcake Chris grew up around mostly Whites and probably has not really interacted with many Black. E40 is also diverse, but most of his friends are Black.

Many people feel the need to gain parental approval, and live up to what their parents expect them to be. Sometimes an ideal self can be terribly demanding and unrealistic. Such an image can be reinforced by a child’s parents, who have equally heavy ideal images. A person with a demanding self-image may feel he is a failure, a disappointment, and bad human being if he falls short for it.

When being raised, if one comes from a background with fewer opportunities, you are taught to be tough because people are looking for others to take advantage of, so you cannot show any weakness. However, when one comes from a privileged background, they are generally taught how to express emotions and taught that it is okay to be nice. The point is, do what is best for you.

The message is share what you have, develop a conscious concern for your fellow man, and be cooperative with others. At the same time, we have to survive in the economic world. A young person may argue that to achieve the economic ideal of having a high paying job, accumulating wealth, striving to get ahead, he may have to abandon (or at least not pay much attention to) the love, cooperation, and sharing model, and he may have a valid point.