It is hard work to control the workings of inclination, and turn the bent of nature: but it may be done. Self-esteem refers to regarding oneself as a worthwhile person, someone who is valued, loved, accepted and appreciated. High regard for one’s own body, mind, and life is essential for emotional health. Conversely, individuals with low self-esteem place a low value on themselves as people. Low self-esteem is often times related to physical abuse or punishment or withholding of love. High self-esteem, in contrast, is related to management techniques, of children, that emphasize clear and consistent discipline, coupled with high parental interest and concern for the child.  Research indicates that it is best for parents to minimize physical punishment and to avoid unnecessary withdrawal of love. Children who feel that their parents support them emotionally, tend to have high self-value, and do better in school. Consistency: Discipline should give children the freedom to express their deepest feelings through speech and actions. However, this does not mean the child has the freedom to do entirely as one pleases. It means that the child can move freely, within well-defined guidelines, for acceptable behavior. Of course, individual parents may choose limits that are stricter or less strict. However, consistency in parenting is the key to raising a child; as a parent, maintaining stable rules of conduct is very important to child development.

 Inconsistency makes the child’s World seem unpredictable and produces anxiety and fear. Here are some common mistakes you may want to avoid. Do not confuse your children by saying one thing and doing something else. You tell the child, “Bart, if you do not eat your Brussels sprouts, you cannot have any dessert.” Then you feel guilty and offer him some dessert. This will create conflict in the mind of a child, and they will think they can manipulate you, or that you are not too smart. Avoid making statements you do not mean. For example, you child is extremely rambunctious, he ate too much sugar and is talking loudly and getting on your nerves. Your response by saying, “If you do not quiet down, I am going to stop the car and beat the living daylights out of you!” Chances are this is an empty threat, and you are extremely annoyed. So, you may want to tell the child to please quiet down, or there will be consequences for his behavior. Furthermore, consider not overstating consequences.  You notice your flower bed has been rearranged, and it upsets you. You find your son and say, “Look what you did to the flower bed. You cannot ever ride your bike again.” First of all, are you sure he tampered the flower bed? Ask him, and make sure he is comfortable telling you the truth. If he did, the ask him to please stay out of your flowers, you work hard to keep your garden looking nice.

 Never change no to yes. If Bart wants a toy and you cannot afford it or do not want to buy it, but he keeps nagging you, then telling him, “Right now is not a good time, son. Do not dispute my authority.” Also, sometimes when you ask a child to do something, they will not. Sometimes it is because they are being defiant, forget, or do not know what to do. Therefore, always make you check to see something you have asked your child to do has been completed. This was, he does not think he can get away with being slick and insidious, or forgetful. In addition, do not negate rules that your spouse has set. Parents need to agree on child discipline, and not undermine each other’s efforts. If you go against what your husband said, this may create confusion and could lead to you and your child getting in trouble. Supposed your husband told you son to stay home because your neighbors are drug dealers and smoke weed with their children. You had no idea that your husband told Bart to stay inside, and told Bart he could go play with them because you assumed your husband was being racist. Bart may or may not have been manipulating you, but always make sure you check with your spouse about rules that they have laid out, even if they seem unfair to you. Your son may have forgot that he could not hang out with his new friends because you are always asking him to forgive people, so he may push things in the back of his head, so he is not walking around angry.

 Unresolved issues are not always easy to deal with. In other situations, when your child is actually acting up, never respond differently to the same misbehavior. You told Bart he could only go to the park and play. However, you noticed that Bart is not at the park, but instead he is walking around somewhere alone, admiring the buildings and landscape. Instead of punishing him, you may want to ask why he did this? Could be that Bart is bored or having issues in the park you allowed him to play in? Get to the core of the problem, do not pretend everything is perfect. Maybe he is lonely, or needs something new to do? So, punishment is not always the solution. Sometimes honest communication is the best response. Random discipline makes children feel angry and confused because they cannot control the consequences of their own behavior. Inconsistency also gives children the message: “Do not believe what I say because I usually do not mean it.” You never want to come off to a good child as if you do not care, this could cause them to turn into a rogue (a bad person who does as they please). Guidelines for Parents: Effective parents use each of the three major types of discipline, at one time or another, and each has its place. Physical punishment and withdrawal of love should be used with caution. Parents should separate disapproval of the act from disapproval of the child. Instead of saying, “I am going to punish you because you are bad,” instead trying rephrasing that as, “I am upset about what you did.” Then ask your child why they did this behavior you find unacceptable so they can know that they are able to be honest with you.

 State specifically what misbehavior you are punishing. Explain why you have set limits on this kind of conduct. Punishment should never be harsh or injurious (distressing) to a child. You do not want to tell your child you will kick them out of the house and send them to a death camp, every day of their life, when you cannot figure out what they are doing. This could stress a child out and some children have been known to respond to threats by running away or committing suicide. Children have unusual ways of dealing with stress and normal life conflicts, so you never want to make them feel like their life is constantly in danger. Try not to physically punish a child while you are angry. Some people get angry and choke their children or push them to the floor and say, “Oh, it was not that hard.” This will confuse a child and make them feel depressed and unloved. You could also lose your child by abusing them. Also, remember, that giving the child the message, “I do not love you right now” can be more painful and damaging than any spanking. Yet, you never want to take physical vengeance out on a good kid because you are upset at the moment. However, punishment is most effect when it is administered immediately. This statement is especially true for younger children. Tell them what they did wrong, how to make it better, and what the consequences are for their inappropriate actions.

 Nonetheless, spanking and other forms of physical punishment are not particularly effective for children under age 2. The child will only be confused and frightened because they cannot really speak and live based on emotions. Unlike bad adults, children sometimes are simply learning right from wrong, they are not evil and corrupt. So make sure you talk to them and teach them the right ways to behave. In addition, spanking also becomes less effective, after age 5, because it tends to humiliate the child and breeds resentment, frustration, and anger. It may not be a good idea to physically spank a young child, at all. However, once a child knows right from wrong, you may want to spank them, but realize that it could be considered child abuse, depending on your county or state. Many psychologists believe that children should never be physically punished. If you do choose to use physical punishment, reserve the physical punishment for situations that pose an immediate danger to the younger child; for example, when a child runs into the street, or if they assault someone. *Remember, too, that it is usually more effective to reinforce children when they are being good than it is to punish them for misbehavior. If you kid is doing their homework, cleaning the house, and eating their dinner, and acting good, be sure to give them a treat. Sometimes a couple of extra dollars or ice cream or new shoes is nice. Effective Parenting: There are four basic ingredients for a healthy parent and child relationship. One has to show mutual respect for their child. Try to avoid hitting, nagging, debating, and talking down to children. You are the boss, once you speak, that is the end of story. You do not need to keep telling a child the same thing over and over. They should know it is their responsibility to obey.

 Also avoid doing things for your son or daughter that these children can do for themselves. Bart knows how to write his own book reports, he may struggle, but he can ask for help. However, he needs to do them himself so his mind can grown and become more knowledgeable. If you constantly strip you child of opportunities to learn and take responsibility, this will prevent them from becoming independent and from developing high self-esteem. One also has to share enjoyment with their child. Some time each day, effective parents spend time with their children and the parents and the child bond, trust each other and know that they are loved. Love, this goes almost without saying, but many parents assume their children know they are loved, and this is not always the case. It is important to communicate your caring by words and by actions, such as by hugging, and talking to them. Encouragement is also important. Children who receive frequent encouragement come to believe in themselves. In authoritarian households, the child’s sense of worth comes from getting rewards and avoiding punishment from powerful parents. Effective parents do not just praise their children for winning, for success, or for good behavior; they encourage their children by recognizing progress and attempts to improve. In reality, encouragement means: Valuing and accepting children, pointing out beneficial aspects of a child’s behavior. Showing faith in children; letting them try things on their own. Also, giving recognition for effort and improvement, and showing appreciation for the child’s contributions to the family.