Human nature is so well disposed towards those who are in interesting situations, that a young person, who either marries or dies, is sure of being kindly spoken of. As parental modeling continues to grow less absolute and young people become more independent, the peer group gains in importance as a source for modeling behavior, in fact, this is so even when meeting peer group standards, which is likely to cause parental disapproval. If a young man or woman’s concept of self, as dictated by one’s peer group, includes wearing shoulder-length hair, one will risk being rejected by one’s parents to do so. The peer group similarly influences clothing style, musical taste, dating, and other behavior. I appeal to you, people, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. We dress to project a certain image and gain a given response from our peers. If you see yourself as a tough, hard individual, who does not give a damn about anything, you will be likely to wear clothes that project that image. If, on the other hand, you want to some on as a well-groomed, capable, but cool type, you will pick your wardrobe to gain that effect. I tell you the truth; unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles oneself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.

 We even model our speech patterns as an extension of how we want people to see us. Such factors as the size of the words we use, the amount of slang, and profanity in our speech, say a lot about the image we are trying to project. Be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in Heaven. As a child becomes an adult, his or her self-concept becomes more complex. He or she begins to recognize that there is a part of one that is distinct and different aspects of one and begins to compare one with others. In the process, oneself concept becomes divided into sub-selves. Your personal self is that part of you that gives you a sense of uniqueness as a person distinct from all others. It is the part of you that exclaims to another human being, “You will never know how I felt…,” the part that really wonders if anyone else experiences life the way you do. It is the part of you that is aware of your sensations, thoughts, and emotions. It is often called the self-image. Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience.

 The personal self usually has both positive and negative aspects. Everyone needs to feel he or she is unique, unusual person without whom the World would not be complete. However, equally, an individual needs to feel that he or she is like others—not so different as to be an outcast. If an individual thinks he or she is too different, that person may develop a sense of alienation or loneliness. One may not be as different as one thinks he or she is. However, if an individual is alienated from others, that person probably has no way of finding that out! If you can get close to another person you trust and share your inner picture of yourself, that is a good way to stop feeling lonely. Suppose I say to myself, “What a weirdo I am! Nobody else feels this way!” Then one day, I find another person who has had exactly the same feelings. I breathe a sigh of relief: “I am not as strange as I thought, or at least there are two of us!” The paradox is that the lonelier I am, the less likely I am to have such as experience. There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all people. 

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another miraculous power, to another distinguished between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and still another interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines. As children, we gradually and sometimes painfully go through the process of learning proper social rituals for interacting with other people. Your social self is a product of your awareness of how to present yourself to other people. A child soon learns that some behavior is more socially acceptable and more effective at meeting one’s needs through others. For example, one learns rapidly the magic of saying please when one wants a piece of cake and thank you when one gets it.  So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God—even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good, but the good of many, so that they may be saved, follow the example of Christ. The social self is the image we present publicly to other people, hoping they will see us as polite, well-bred, thoughtful—and blessed.

One problem is that, in order to project this image, we may sometimes feel compelled to do or say things we do not really feel. This can turn into a sort of game that actually keeps us from communicating with people. Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and purity. Do not neglect your gift. Some people feel that polite or socially acceptable behavior is false, phony, plastic. And indeed, a gap may exist between how an individual feels and how he has to present himself socially. Theoretically, we may realize that everyone has the right to express his real feelings. However, in practice, we probably all feel many things that we are afraid to express because of the possible consequences. One of the major differences between humans and other animals is man’s ability to think about one’s feelings and inhibit one’s own behavior. If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.