Friendship makes us warmly espouse the interest of others; but it is very cold to the gratification of their passions. To be sure, problems of identify occur at other times too. However, in a very real sense, puberty signals that it is time to begin forming a new, more mature self-image. Many problems during adolescence stem from unclear standards about the role young people should play within society. Are they adults or children? Such ambiguities make it difficult for adolescents to form clear images of themselves and of how they should act? Answering the question, “Who am I?” is also spurred by cognitive development. After adolescents have attained the stage of formal operations, they are better able to ask questions about their place in the World, and about moral, values, politics, social relationships, and private thoughts. Then too, being able to think about hypothetical possibilities allows the adolescent to contemplate the future and ask more realistically, “Who will I be?” Many teenagers are preoccupied with imaginary audiences (people they imagine are watching them). In other words, teenagers may act like others are aware of their thoughts and feelings. Sometimes this leads to painful self-consciousness—as in thinking that everyone is staring at a bad haircut you just received. The imaginary audience also seems to underlie attention-seeking performances involving outlandish dress or behavior. In any case, adolescents become very concerned with controlling the impressions they make on others. For many, being on stage in this way helps define and shape an emerging identity. I will extol the LORD with all my heart in the council of the upright and in the assembly.

Great are the works of the LORD; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures forever. He has shown his people the power of his works, giving them the lands of other nations. The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy. They are steadfast for ever and ever, done in faithfulness and uprightness. He provided redemption for his people; he ordained his covenant forever—holy and awesome is his name. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise. Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. His children will be might in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. He scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever; his horn will be lifted high in honor. The unlovely man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; the longings of the wicked will come to nothing. The adolescent search for identity often results in increased conflict with parents. This is especially true in early adolescence.

However, some conflict with parents is probably necessary for growth of a separate identity. A complete lack of conflict may mean that adolescent is afraid to seek independence. Actually, adolescents and parents usually agree to a large degree about basic topics such as religion, marriage, and morals. The largest conflicts tend to be over more superficial differences regarding styles of dress, manners, social behavior, and the like. In the majority of cases, adolescents who ask their parents for emotional or practical support actually receive it. Adolescents naturally desire more freedom, but they do not want their parents to abruptly abandon them. Teenagers do best when they are given gradual increases in personal freedom and more opportunities to make decisions. Problems occur when parents crack down too hard or throw their hands up and surrender control over the adolescent’s behavior. LORD, I say to you, you are my God, hear my cry for mercy. Oh, Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, who shield my head in the day of battle—do not grant the wicked their desires, do not let their plans succeed, or they will become proud. Let the heads of those who surround me be covered with the trouble their lips have caused. Let burning coals fall upon them; may they be thrown into the fire, into firry pits, never to rise. Let slanderers not be established in the land; may disaster hunt down men of violence. I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy. Surely the righteous will praise your name and the upright will live before you. LORD, I call to you; come quickly to me. Hear my voice when I call to you.

May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening of the sacrifice. Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is unlovely, do not take part in bad deeds with men who are ungodly; let me not eat of their delicacies. Let a righteous man join me—it is a kindness; let him bless me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. Yet my prayer is every against the deeds of wrong. The rulers of the wrong doers will learn that my words are well spoken. However, my eyes are only fixed on you Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge, there is nowhere else I would rather be—do not give me over to death. Keep me from the snares they have laid for me, from the traps set by evildoers. Let the ungodly fall into their own nets, while I pass by safety. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you LORD; I say you are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living. Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me. LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness, and come to my relief. Do not bring your kin into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you.

In high school were you a jock, preppy, brain, hacker, surfer, cowboy, punk, mod, rapper, princess, prince, cheerleader, gargoyle, or warlock? Increased identification with peer groups is quite the common during adolescence. A peer group consists of people who share similar social status. To an extent, membership in such groups gives a measure of security and a sense of identity apart from the family. Other than this, group members provide practice in belonging to a social network. Children tend to see themselves more as members of society as a whole. Therefore, gaining a broader, member of society perspective can be a major step toward adulthood. But are not groups also limiting? Yes, they are. Conformity to peer values peaks in early adolescence, but it remains strong at least through high school. Throughout this period there is always a danger of allowing group pressure to foreclose (shut down) personal growth. By the end of high school, many adolescents have not yet really explored various interest, values, vocations, skills, or ideologies. Perhaps that is why many students view moving on to work or college as a chance to break out of earlier roles—to expand or reshape personal identity. For many who do choose college, the effect may be more a matter of placing further changes in identity on hold. By doing so, students keep open the possibility of changing majors, career plans, personal style, and so on. Typically, commitment to an emerging adult identity grows stronger in later college years. The search for identity may be intensified during adolescence, but it does not end there. For example, the process of selecting a career often starts in childhood and continues into young adulthood.

 At school, friendship is a passion. It entrances the being; it tears the soul. All loves of after life can never bring its rapture, or its wretchedness; no bliss so absorbing, no pangs of jealousy or despair so crushing and keen. Though her heart was not large enough to harbor more than one light love at a time, it had room for many warm friendships; and she was the warmest, most helpful, and most compassionate of friends, far more serious in friendship then in love. Perhaps the most delightful friendships are those in which there is much agreement, much disputation, and yet more personal liking. That new sense which is the gift of sorrow–, that susceptibility to the bare offices of humanity which raises them into a bond of loving fellowship, as to haggard men among the icebergs the mere presence of an ordinary comrade stirs the deep fountains of affection. There are jilts in friendship as well as in love; and, by the behavior of some men in both, one would almost imagine that they industriously sought to gain the affections of others with a view only of making the parties miserable. Out of love to one’s self, one must speak better of a friend than an enemy. In his friendships and affection, man is subject to some inscrutable moral law, similar in its effects to what the chemists call affinity. The LORD, who remains faithful forever, He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets prisoners free, the LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous. The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked. Love is nothing in comparison with the intimacy of two congenial friends.