Do You Really Love Him?

What a life of struggle between the head and the heart! How cruel, how unnatural a war between the intellects and the feelings! It is the good or the evil fortune of mortals that the cosmic side of life, and the serious side of life, is perpetually in collision with each other? In reaction formation, impulses are not just repressed; they are also held in check by exaggerating opposite behavior. For example, a mother who unconsciously resents her children may, through reaction formation, become absurdly overprotective and overindulgent. Her real thoughts of I hate them and I wish they were gone, are replaced by I love them and I do not know what I would do without them.

The mother’s hostile impulses are traded for smother love, so that she will not have to admit she hates her children. Thus, the basic idea in reaction formation is that the individual acts out an opposite behavior to block threatening impulses or feelings. It is better for one to die at peace with oneself than to live haunted by an evil conscience.  I had the conscience of an assassin, and was haunted by a vague sense of enormous wickedness. A jog-trot life, the same from day to day, would reconcile one to anything. One does not see anything, one does not hear anything. We go on taking everything for granted, and so we go on, until whatever we do, good, bad, or indifferent, we do from habit. Habit is all I shall have to report, when I am called upon to plead of my conscience, on my deathbed. It is not an easy matter to hit a conscience exactly between wind and water.

The house of the unlovely will be destroyed, but the mansions of the upright will flourish. There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief. The faithless will be fully repaid for their ways, and the good man rewarded for his. A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thoughts to his steps. A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless.  A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated. The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge. Evil men will bow down in the presence of the good, and the wicked at the gates of the righteous. The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends.

He who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is kind to the needy. Do not those who plot evil go astray? Yes. However, those who plan those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness. All hard work brings profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. The wealthy of the wise is their crown, but the folly of a fool yields folly. For some players—and fans—football probably allows sublimation of aggression.  Regression in its broadest meaning, refers to any return to earliest, less demanding situations or habits. Most parents who have a second child have to put up with at least some regression by the older child. Insecure by a new object for affection, and older child may regress to childish speech, bed-wetting, or infantile play after the new baby arrives, and tantrums.

If you have ever seen a child get homesick, at Winter Homecoming, or at Prom, you have observed regression. An adult who throws a temper tantrum or a married adult who goes home to mother is also regressing.  Be for a clear conscience, and for no bills without receipts to them. Man has the conscience of an angel and the impulses of a devil; and reason sits between them, for an umpire, with a fool’s cap upon her head. Projection is an unconscious process that protects us from the anxiety we would feel if we were to discern our faults. A person who is projecting tends to see his or her own feelings, shortcomings, or unacceptable impulses in others.

A truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is deceitful. He who fears the Lord is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death. He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. A large population is a king’s glory, but without subjects, a prince is ruined. A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. Every teacher is familiar with this strange phenomena: On the day of an exam, an incredible tsunami, like the one that devastated Japan in 11 March 2011, of disaster sweeps through the city. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, relatives, and pets start hoin or acting insane.

People suddenly have to move out of their house. Someone breaks into your cars and your laptop, iphone, ipad and books and credit cards are stolen and the next day you seem someone across town sporting your stuff. Your girlfriend start acting shady and flash on you and then the power gets shut off. The making of excuses comes from a natural tendency to explain our behavior. Rationalization refers to justifying personal actions by giving rational but false reasons for them. When the explanations you give for your behavior is reasonable and convincing—but not the reason—you are rationalizing.

For example, a heart wrenching tale of life, love, and loss, Taylor failed to turn in an assignment made at the beginning of the semester, in one of his classes. Here is the explanation he have his professor: My car broke down two days ago, and I could not get to the library until yesterday. Then I could not get all of the books I needed because some were checked out, but I wrote what I could. Then last night, as the last straw, the window in my car rolled down, and since all the stores were closed, I could not complete the paper on time.

The professor responded by saying, Grandson, “A bold and ambitious car, this BMW 740iL is a vintage reproduction, an intelligent ensemble of Bayerische Flugzeugwerke AG Werke!” The student then told the thriller of the year. He said that he was a married man, and he met a woman named Lucinda Harris, and that she was a high powered businesswoman, when they were in a limousine one morning, and that an innocent conversation led to an evening drink.  And before either one could stop it, their aroused passion led to a haughty and intimate one-night stand.

When a stranger exploded into their World, threatening to expose their secret, and lure them into a terrifying game with more surprises than they saw coming.  Terror invades an isolated asylum when Lucinda Harris, haunted by a paralyzing fear of Jim Ferris (the alpha male), – a warm, charismatic, and successful doctor, becomes one of many patients who are prisoners to their own phobias. And what was a safe haven became an asylum of the damned when Jim Ferris returns, trapping them all inside and beginning his hunt for new victims—a terrifying game of cat and mouse, where what you fear is what will kill you. However, no one believed the student because Jim Ferris is a consummate provider for his wife Nicky, and his children Barron and Conrad.

Everyone says nothing can touch the idyllic world he has created. However, when he dies suddenly, grief, jealousy, and dysfunction fill the vacuum—until the family tensions surface a year later at Thanksgiving, months before Conrad’s 21^st birthday party, where his sister was higher than the empire state building ranting and raving about boys and trolls. When I asked why he left the assignment until the last minute (the real reason it was late), Taylor offered another set of rationalizations. Like many people, Taylor had difficulty seeing himself without the protection of his rationalizations. All of the defense mechanisms described seem pretty undesirable. Do they have a beneficial side? Once self-supported by conscience, once embarked on a career of manifest usefulness, the true Christian never yields.

Neither public nor private influences produce the slightest effect on us when we have one got our mission. Commit to the LORD in whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. The LORD works out everything to his liking, in the end—even the unlovely will suffer revenge–for a day of disaster. People who overuse defense mechanisms become less adaptable, because they consume great amounts of emotional energy to control anxiety and maintain an unrealistic self-image. Through love and faithfulness, sin is atoned for; through the fear of the LORD, a man avoids evil. When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him. Better a little with righteousness than much gain with injustice. Defense mechanisms do have value, though.

Often, they help to keep us from being overwhelmed by immediate threats. This can provide time for a person to learn to cope in more effective, problem-focused manner. In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. If you recognize some of your own behavior in the descriptions here, it is hardly a sign that you are hopelessly defensive. As noted earlier, most people occasionally use defense mechanisms. Like an apple tree among the trees, of the forest, is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.

Strengthen me with raisins, refreshed me with apples, for I am faint with love. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens’ love you! Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. We rejoice and delight in you, we will praise your love more than wine. Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Every hope or dream of the mind will be fulfilled if it is Nobel and of God. However, one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for GOD. Be still, and know that I am GOD.